So National Grounding Day is just around the corner. I am talking about report card day. We have experienced periods on and off that our girls haven't performed up to their potential in our expert opinion, and we have grounded them.
They haven't only been grounded for grades, we would never limit them like that. No we try to be very well rounded so we include: lying, late for curfew, disrepect, sassing back, under age drinking, drugs...Ok the last 2 may need something a little more stiff but you get the idea.
In the beginning I felt like just a good old fashioned grounding was a good route. But, as my girls have gotten older and their "currency" has changed so too have my views on grounding.
I was the QUEEN of being grounded in High School. I was grounded before of after almost every major event. I was grounded most weekends. I was grounded for an entire summer once. It gives me anxiety just thinking about it. I have spoken to my daughters about my bouts with grounding when I was their age. I mistakenly thought I was "relating" to them. That I was showing them that I felt much the same way that they were feeling. That I remember the frustration of staying home and missing out on things. I felt like by telling them that I understood what they were going thru and even in my elderly state could recall what they felt, in my mom mind I thought it would help....aaaaa no. It has proven the exact wrong thing.
They turned it around and said "well if you remember how bad it was, and you still did things against the rules, and you still got in trouble sometimes for the same things you were grounded for, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO US"? Oh they are cunning!
I guess what it did for me, well after I simmered down, was make me look at how grounding may have a different spin than it did in the 80's.
When I got grounded it looked a little something like this: No phone calls; No TV; No car once I was 16; No dates; I may even have to to a humiliating chore like walk the dog in public, or mow the lawn! OMG!!!!!!!! I can't think about it, it makes my cheeks hot with embarrassment.
When my daughters are grounded it went from the traditional old school grounding to:
No cell phones when they get home from school. No texting during school--we look at the records online. No sleepovers here or anywhere else. To bed at a decent hour. No computer chatting. No car after school unless it's to church or work...or to run an errand for me.
This is like the most dumbed down version of punishment in the world in my view. I mean it sounds more like a relief to me than punishment. In fact I am looking for ways to get grounded! But, what I had to realize was those are the things that are most important to them.
The cell phone especially. It's the one that gives me the most satisfaction (I'm a sicko) because it's the only one that really proves to get a reaction and hurts the most. I mean isn't that the idea.
I don't want to ground them. It totally feels like punishment for me! I DO NOT LIKE FOR THEM TO BE HERE 24/7! I love them but I too need a break-sheesh-.
But it all goes back to the basics for me. With every action and choice there is either a reward or a consequence. If you make a choice to go against a rule then you accept the consequences of those actions. Even if it's hard for me to enforce and stick to.
We don't surprise them with the consequence they are fully aware before they make their choices.
I mean it's not like we can put them in jail or turn them over to someone else for a while...like a teenage halfway house or something. So our options are limited.
Grounding even though it looks different than it did back in the day, still seems to be a viable option for punishment. At least in my opinion.
Sound off! Commm annnnn!
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