You Guys Make Me Feel Like NOTHING!

Well, I didn't intend to make anyone feel like nothing! Geez as a mom I always try to build my girls up. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that I haven't said things that I immediately wished that I could erase and take back. I have said things that weren't exactly confidence builders. But I do think I am very consciencious of their self-esteem and I always want to boost it not deflate it. So for one of them to look at me and say "WE" feel like you don't even want to know us. You make us feel like we are NOTHING>Like our opinion doesn't even count!
AHHHH Now we are getting to the real story.
My girls and probably yours are really at a disadvantage I think. They are not being given the gift of humility and the skill of timing. From home to school to church...everyone wants to reason with them. Or give them the power. NOOOOO!
Everyone wants to talk and reason with young people. I think we have gone overboard. There is a line between teaching someone something by talking to them and explaining the consequences of choice to them and then executing that plan, and reasoning to the point of handing over power.
I didn't exactly have the model parents. But I also knew where the line was. I probably learned it from my grandparents more than my own parents. But when my grandparents had friends over to play cards or for an evening cocktail, I knew that I was not welcome in the room with the adults.
I also knew that when someone older than I gave me an order or some direction, whether it be on behavior or otherwise it didn't matter what I thought about the subject I'd better give a quick nod and a yes ma'am and be on my way. Or else. And yes, the or else was probably a spanking. Not a beating but a good old fashioned spanking.
I am not in therapy because I got spankings or didn't get to be in the grown up room, and it's not because my opinion didn't influence the authority around me.

My girls really believe that they have a skin in the game. They believe that what they think should be heard and considered before any kind of decision or punishment is handed down. WHAAAT!
I will not take responsibility for everything that goes wrong in their lives. But I will own the fact that I have probably allowed them to feel like they have a little more rope than they actually do. I think that their age snuck up on me and before I knew it they were cunning, sneaky, selfish...normal teenage girls willing to use whatever method necessary to get their way. One thing I can hang my hat on is that I am raising girls who will fight for their view to the death...Poor sucker who tries to stand up to it. I will probably have to apologize at the engagement party to all of the wonderful young men that will be my future sons.
Back on track.
We are now dealing with young ladies that when push comes to shove like to express their views with little regard for the parent child boundaries.
Now, there has only been 1 incident that has gotten to what I would consider a dangerously tense level. Not bad for almost 18 years ( do I sound like I'm looking for support)?
They are really pretty respectful girls. But, I have been caught many times in the frustrating situation where they have really messed up and we sit them down to tell them what the punishment will be for their choices they have turned it into the "I don't matter, I don't get to have an opinion, I feel like nothing saga. PUKE.

The last time we went thru this lovely scene one of the girls said she felt like we didn't even want to hear her opinion, and that her opinion didn't even count. My husband had to break it to her that HER OPINION DIDN'T COUNT!
They are can HAVE an opinion but I would venture to guess that 99 out of 100 times it won't change the outcome of the situation. And expressing it with all of the tact that they've learned in their 16 and 17 years really only makes it worse!

How do you guys handle this? Is it even a problem for you?
My real true thought on the subject, you get to use your opinion to affect my life when you have your own life, and aren't mooching off of mine anymore. The End!